A year ago today, I saw those two pink lines that I desperately wanted, but also feared. The positive test that would mean I could finally be happy again, but in the back of my mind was the constant reminder that you could so easily be taken from me. It had been nearly three months since our loss, and I had been hoping with everything in me that this was it; and as luck would have it, it was.
Each day was a battle in my mind. Every twinge in my abdomen made my heart race, every trip to the bathroom was filled with anxiety, and every doctors visit was a hurdle.
I held my breath until I could hold you in my arms.
I will always wonder about the baby we lost, and knowing that there is no way I could possibly have you both is both comforting and heartbreaking.
But I do know this: you are supposed to be here, my sweet boy.